Handling Difficult Conversations

What do we mean by difficult conversations?

• Addressing poor performance or conduct
• Investigating complaints or grievances
• Personal problems – something going on at home affecting work
• Personality clashes
• Dealing with delicate situations e.g., turning down annual leave requests or personal hygiene matters.

Who is the right person to speak to the employee?

Very often it will be the employee's line manager.  Generally a good rapport will help because you may understand how the employee will react and the conversation is coming from a place of trust.  Alternatively, sometimes someone more removed will be better especially if there is a dispute or where the relationship strained. 

There will be other situations, perhaps as part of a formal process like a grievance or a disciplinary where internal policies will dictate who has to deal with the meeting. 

Timing

Generally the time to deal with an employment problem is as soon as possible after you become aware of it.  Very often the first stage will be an informal chat with the employee to try to address the issue.  Failing to deal with things quickly can lead to….

• The Employee believing that their behaviour is acceptable, and things can get worse.
• Denying the employee an opportunity to put things right.
• Lower morale amongst colleagues, if they can see an employee getting away with things, or if there is the perception that conduct will not be addressed. 
• A lot of wasted effort dealing with workplace unrest.

How can we avoid problems spiralling out of control?

Keeping lines of communication open with staff, if managers are approachable and ready to listen, staff are more likely to come to you with a problem.  This will include regular appraisals and performance feedback.  Being alert to changes for example: if somebody is becoming withdrawn, or their behaviour is questionable, then having a quiet word at an early stage to try and find out what might be going on and put measures in place to fix it. 

Preparation

It is really important to get to grips with the facts, what do you know already and what do you need to know and what is the point of the meeting?  The more concrete you can be and the more evidence you can provide, the easier it will be to discuss what is going wrong and try to get to the bottom of it. 

Think about things that the employee may say in response, for example: if they came in late on several occasions but nothing was said, why wasn’t the behaviour addressed at the time, what reason would you give to the employee?

It is important to make sure that you have appropriate support from line managers with what you are proposing to do. 

Check the staff and handbook, not only to make sure that you are acting in compliance with them, but also there may be a framework within the policy to help with structure and so that each party knows what to expect from the meeting.

It can be helpful sometimes to have a basic script, but you must be prepared to deviate from it when new information comes to light.  It is fine to adjourn a meeting if you need to, to seek advice, or take a break or gather your thoughts.

Hold the meeting in a private space, leave enough time and think about whether someone else should someone else be in the room.  From the employee’s side, there is a legal right to bring a colleague or trade union rep as a companion to some meetings, to any disciplinary or grievance meetings. 

In other cases, there is no right to bring someone, but it might be advisable, for example in an investigation meeting, or as a reasonable adjustment if they are unwell or if English is not their first language. 

Although you can’t pre-empt every possible outcome or response, have in mind the types of things that  may come up.  For example if an employee discloses that they are depressed, it would be inappropriate to plough on with a performance discussion without understanding what’s going on with the employee and the effect that this may be having on work.  You may need to pause and seek occupational health input before proceeding to understand whether adjustments need to be made or if there is some underlying health issue causing the problem, which needs to be addressed first. 

Discuss how much the employee wants the team to know and agree a way forward. 

Finally, if the conversation is part of a formal process, you will need to document it.  Send the notes of the meeting so these can be agreed, if necessary.  And write to employee with what has been agreed.  If this is part of a formal process there may also be a right to appeal.